Forgive and Forget

Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” In other words, when we decide to forgive our husband for a wrong that he did we are showing love to him and creating an atmosphere for love in our marriage. When we choose to remind ourselves and our husband over and over about the wrong we start to build a wall that destroys the oneness that we should have with our husband. When we continue to repeat the offense in our minds or conversation we are keeping ourselves stuck in a hurtful event and keeping our marriage from moving forward in the way that God designed.
 

In Experiencing God Day by Day, Henry and Richard Blackaby write, “Bitterness has a tenacious way of taking root deep within the soul and resisting all efforts to weed it out…Time, rather than diminishing the hurt, only seems to sharpen the pain… You find yourself rehearsing the offense over and over again, each time driving the root of bitterness deeper within your soul… Bitterness is easy to justify. You can get so used to a bitter heart that you are even comfortable with it, but it will destroy you. Only God is fully aware of its destructive potential.” When we should be offering forgiveness but instead are repeating the offense in our heart and mind over and over again we will become bitter. This includes repeating the offense to our friends or sisters or mom. I think so many women like to share the things that their husband does wrong as a way of nursing their hurts and getting others to feel sorry for them. This is not what we are called to as women following after God.

 

We are called to forgive as God forgives. Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions for us.” Think about that for a minute. If God has forgiven us and removed our sin “as far as the east is from the west” then he is not sitting and thinking about what we did wrong anymore. He isn’t talking to others about it. He isn’t feeling sorry for himself that we committed such a great wrong against him and he did nothing to deserve it. He has removed it from his mind and moved on in our relationship. He has restored us to right standing in his sight. I challenge you this month to think if you are extending the same level of grace to your husband that God has extended to you. If not, take that step and see where God will take your marriage.

Life is a Princess Puzzle

Well, maybe not a princess puzzle, but life is a puzzle. I was watching my two oldest daughters working on a puzzle yesterday and it really got me thinking. As I was watching them I saw how they could look at most pieces of the puzzles and they could tell what part of the puzzle they were holding. They might be able to tell that the piece in their hand was part of Cinderella or part of Belle. They could find other pieces that might connect together with their piece, but when they focused on just the piece in their hand they were not able to see the whole bigger picture. It was only as they began to connect pieces together and stop focusing on just one little part that they were able to see what the picture really was.

I think this happens a lot in life. So many times we come across something in life that we get stuck on. We focus our attention on this one thing in our life so much that we forget to see the bigger picture. Every thing that we experience in life fits into our bigger picture. Some things that we experience might not be a great piece to our puzzle. It might not be the pretty piece or the sparkly piece or a piece of the main picture, but without all of these pieces our life picture is not complete.

We need to remember when we get stuck on focusing on just our little piece that God is looking at the bigger picture. He sees how each little piece connects together to complete the beautiful picture that is our life.

Another thing that I was reminded of is that God is in control and He puts the pieces together. We need to follow God's leading. My daughters could not force two pieces to fit together that were not made to fit. And we cannot force our life along and end up with the beautiful picture that God has in store for us. We need to follow God as he gives us piece by piece.

12 Months to a Better Marriage - June

 The Role of a Wife

Have you taken time lately to stop and think about what it means to be a wife? What does God ask of us in this role? As always, the answers can be found in the Bible:

 

 

“Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” Titus 2:4-5

 

 

“Wives, submit to the husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife…”Ephesians 5:22

 

 

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

 

 

“She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” Proverbs 31:27

 

 

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

 

 

As women of God we are called to be wives that are loving, respectful, and obedient to our husband, be keepers of our home, teach our children (if you have them) the way of the Lord, be not idle, and most importantly fear the Lord.

 

 

I think that a lot of women have gotten caught up in trying to prove that they can accomplish just as much as a man can and they have lost the sight of the woman that God has called them to be. You might think I am old fashioned, but I believe that the place for a wife is at home, not in a workplace. However, if you are in the situation that your husband has asked you to work or you are working to keep up with the bills, then it is important that you remember that your first job is being a wife and making sure that your husband and household is taken care of.

 

 

If you read the description in Proverbs of the Wife of Noble Character it is hard to imagine keeping up with her. She is busy from sun up to sun down taking care of her husband and children. She is selfless and a hard worker. She is not idle, or another way of saying it is she isn’t lazy. You might not think you have time to accomplish all that the Wife of Noble Character accomplishes but let me ask you: how much time do you spend talking on the phone or texting? On the computer? Looking at facebook, twitter, or some other social media? Watching TV? Or doing some other hobby? How much of that time could be devoted to something that would be productive in your relationship with God or your husband?

 

 

It is easy to make excuses for what you don’t get accomplished or to point the finger at what your husband isn’t doing to fulfill his role; but I can assure you that the easy way will not benefit you or your marriage. I challenge you to spend some time this month looking at what God is calling you to in your role as a wife and see what changes you need to make in yourself and your time in order to benefit your marriage.

The Freedom of Not Having My Way

I am a selfish person (as I believe most people are). I have a certain way that I want things done and certain things that I want and I want it to go my way. I have been learning over the past year that there is actually a lot more happiness and satisfication and freedom in not getting my way. God has given us a huge freedom and one of the choices that we have is to put our needs and desires first or putting others before ourselves.

I am learning to be content whatever my situation and I don't have it all figured out yet, but I am a work in progress. It is empowering to think that I can choose to not care about getting what I want. If I think that my husband is not treating me the way that I wish he would, I have the freedom to be unselfish and love on him instead. I have the freedom with God's strength to put my husband and children before myself. I can choose to let my flesh suffer and act as the loving wife that God wants me to be.

When we act in the way that God desires, even if we suffer in the flesh, we will be rewarded and much happier in the long run. And if we continue to make the right choices eventually our feelings will follow.

A New Beginning

My life has not turned out how I thought it would. I have not turned out to be the woman that I thought I would. When I was a little girl I had all of these wonderful dreams of who I would be when I was a grown up and what I would accomplish. I can assure you that all of the things I thought about were positive and wonderful; they were the dreams of a little girl. Well… life happened and I did not follow the plan that God had for me. There are regrets that I have and things that I am ashamed of.  But thankfully God’s forgiveness and grace is abundant.

I am married to the most wonderful man and we have been blessed with three beautiful daughters. To my husband I have a great responsibility to be a Godly wife and partner for life.  To my daughters I have a great responsibility of raising them to be Godly women and possibly someday Godly wives and to teach them the things that I wish that I would have known before it was too late. I have learned so much already in my life and want to be able to teach my daughters these lessons that I have learned and encourage them in following the plan that God has for their lives.

This blog is to honor my God in being a biblical woman and wife, respect my husband by developing myself, and teach my children so they can live a life of no regrets.